One way our brain saves energy is by making assumptions. We draw on our past experiences to find patterns in how the world works. When we encounter new situations, we apply these patterns—or assumptions—to the new environment. This process saves us the energy of analyzing each situation completely anew.
When it comes to human interactions, every individual brings their own experiences and background to the table to inform how they see things. It is almost always a mistake to assume that our way of seeing is the only way to see. Furthermore, when we add judgment to our assumptions and begin labeling those who disagree with us, we invite conflict.
Imagine being on the receiving end of a judgment-laced comment based on an assumption. Do they think they can just push me around? Thoughts like these can come into your consciousness in a second and get your blood boiling in the next. The next thing you know, your mood has shifted and begin to analyze the other person sharply, criticizing their next moves more harshly and looking for revenge. Soon the night is over and the other person would leave, unaware of the fact that you are harboring such negative feelings over a seemingly harmless comment.
Even if the other person meant no harm, it is too late. The thought is ingrained into your head and, because of your pride and fear of looking overly sensitive, you never ask for clarification. We crave justice for our hurt egos. We imagine scenarios where we put our offenders in their place, where we were not looked down upon, where we were able to stand up for ourselves and teach the other person you were not someone to mess with.
We protect our egos by imagining situations that are toxic to us. We have physiological responses when we imagine these situations. I remember feeling my blood boiling, my jaws clenching and my muscles flexing, even when this was all happening in my head.
I gained a feeling of dominance apart from reality, and learned to live there and indulge in these thoughts that made me feel powerful. Whatever I did not have the courage to do in real life, I fulfilled in my thoughts. I made sure no one was able to cross or disrespect me in the world I had created for myself.
It has helped me be mindful of the moments where I feel myself getting angry or feeling hurt by a comment that someone made toward me. It has helped me become self aware of how many assumptions I make everyday, and how to prevent it whenever I catch them. Same as always, I will be pulling excerpts from the book and commenting on the parts that resonate with me. I hope they will help you as well — in controlling your thoughts from running wild and allowing yourself to be mindful of the times when you jump to conclusions.
The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. November is all about cultivating an attitude of gratitude.
Search for: Close search. Close Menu About. Ruthless Compassion. Forget about trying to analyze why he acts the way he does. Forget about trying to understand him. Just cut ties. No matter how difficult that sounds you must find a way to do it.
Remember, time spent on this man is time taken away from finding a different one — one who will treat you well. Would your stronger self have been attracted to this type of man? Every time. Make it a mantra i. And then make it your goal to become strong again. Use this time away from him to nurture and take care of yourself. Re-frame things in a more positive light. Baby steps. Even though you feel like a lot is beyond your control right now, try to put that feeling in perspective — is this feeling just a temporary thing or is it a constant thing in your life?
Then deal with it accordingly. Busy yourself with other things — this is the key. Keep busy. Perhaps start with the estate. If the mess of the estate seems overwhelming, try to deal with it in phases or smaller steps. Deal with that first, if you can, and get it out of the way — you will feel much better when done. Next, address your job situation. Get creative and try to find a way to make it better. Try to think outside of the box.
Or something online — a blog, website etc? Finally, take this time to try new things in life, discover new interests etc. Excellent advice! I hope you can find the courage, confidence and self love to be able to adopt this advice and move forward.
Listen to your inner voice. It is your Guardian Angel speaking. Believe in yourself. For what its worth:its never too late to be who you want to be. There is no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. We can make the best or worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you are proud of.
Point 7 hits home. I remember when I used to blame everyone else for my life situation. Wow, thank you for emailing this piece today. I am truly so glad I read it.
Something happened with my Husband and I and my brother in law posted some mean, unkindly words on fb and I was hurt because I knew he was referring to our situation. As I read your article above I learned so much and how bigger of a person I can be by not stepping to his level. So thank you, thank you, to Thank you!!???
It is great to get rid of negative toxic people. If they cannot help you socially, psychologically, or any of the ally then it is time to move on. If you are the brightest person in a group of your friends the it is time to leave.
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